I think this might just be the most (truly) romantic thing I can remember reading in a hell of a long time (and again proves that sometimes poetry--or a more poetic form--gets it done better than prose O.o):
"The last time i slept in a bed, you were there too.
the last time i touched someone's lips, they were yours.
the last time someone made me smile, you were the reason.
the last time my heart beat faster, you were the cause.
the last time i have wanted you here with me, is every last moment since i have left."
-Salvitore Abimy'on
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Cheese Much?
at a moment of weakness (apparently) i let myself freewrite for one of my devious tales i've been concocting and THIS is what comes out? Pathetic. thought you might enjoy making fun of me as well so here it is. enjoy the "lovely" romance that apparently resides in my heart.
I miss him, she wrote, as if she needed to tell herself. I know I shouldn't...but I do. It's like he's submerged in my subconscious; surfacing only when he needs to remind me. To remind me that I miss him, like an ache in my side, an abyss in my chest that won't fill no matter what i throw into its depths.
She paused a moment from writing, her pen finding its way into her mouth.What was it about him that attracted her so? His eyes? His smile? ...His kiss? She sighed, stood, collapsed onto her bed. No, she knew, it was more than that. She closed her eyes and thought: it's everything.
and THAT is why i don't read or write romance novels. i could practically TASTE the cheese in my mouth after just that much. this is ridiculous. if i ever write a novel this bad please tell me. in fact, tell anyone who writes like this. no offense, but i sucks. it's just....too unrealistically romantic. call me a pessimist if you will, but that's just my opinion on the matter. which is actually kind of strange in a way since i like to think of myself as a hopeless romantic.... so i guess that makes me more of a like cynical hopeless romantic.
god help the guy that falls for me is all i can say.
I miss him, she wrote, as if she needed to tell herself. I know I shouldn't...but I do. It's like he's submerged in my subconscious; surfacing only when he needs to remind me. To remind me that I miss him, like an ache in my side, an abyss in my chest that won't fill no matter what i throw into its depths.
She paused a moment from writing, her pen finding its way into her mouth.What was it about him that attracted her so? His eyes? His smile? ...His kiss? She sighed, stood, collapsed onto her bed. No, she knew, it was more than that. She closed her eyes and thought: it's everything.
and THAT is why i don't read or write romance novels. i could practically TASTE the cheese in my mouth after just that much. this is ridiculous. if i ever write a novel this bad please tell me. in fact, tell anyone who writes like this. no offense, but i sucks. it's just....too unrealistically romantic. call me a pessimist if you will, but that's just my opinion on the matter. which is actually kind of strange in a way since i like to think of myself as a hopeless romantic.... so i guess that makes me more of a like cynical hopeless romantic.
god help the guy that falls for me is all i can say.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Loneliness?
I have become sugarcoated.
I mean, don't get me wrong--I love my friends and my family and all, but... it just feels like recently i've built up this candy wall around me that i only really see when i'm alone.
maybe it's just the snow or some stupid need to question happiness, but i still feel hollow. i'm not even close to being alone and yet... there are still times when i feel really lonely. it's not the sort of lonely i'm used to--the sort that feels like someone's slowly scooping out my insides and i just want to curl up into a ball until maybe i disappear. it's more simple than that now--or rather, perhaps, more complex. all the same, it's a more pensive sort of loneliness. the spacey, staring-blankly-out-the-window sort of loneliness. the kind that makes you want to sigh all the time.
which means... maybe i'm finally starting to fill in that hole in my chest? perhaps. but with what? is it something that can be measured?
whatever it is, i still get the feeling that there's a stubborn part of that hole in me that just won't let go. it's like... i've found the Stranger inside me, all of her except.... her mask. it won't come off. or maybe... maybe i already know what's underneath it. that would explain why i can't bring myself to even try to remove her mask.
...but if it is what i'm thinking of. well. he's long gone. so i should just let go, right? just pull off the damn mask and let myself be happy? and yet, instead we just watch each other, me and my Stranger. it's a shame she knows me all too well.
I mean, don't get me wrong--I love my friends and my family and all, but... it just feels like recently i've built up this candy wall around me that i only really see when i'm alone.
maybe it's just the snow or some stupid need to question happiness, but i still feel hollow. i'm not even close to being alone and yet... there are still times when i feel really lonely. it's not the sort of lonely i'm used to--the sort that feels like someone's slowly scooping out my insides and i just want to curl up into a ball until maybe i disappear. it's more simple than that now--or rather, perhaps, more complex. all the same, it's a more pensive sort of loneliness. the spacey, staring-blankly-out-the-window sort of loneliness. the kind that makes you want to sigh all the time.
which means... maybe i'm finally starting to fill in that hole in my chest? perhaps. but with what? is it something that can be measured?
whatever it is, i still get the feeling that there's a stubborn part of that hole in me that just won't let go. it's like... i've found the Stranger inside me, all of her except.... her mask. it won't come off. or maybe... maybe i already know what's underneath it. that would explain why i can't bring myself to even try to remove her mask.
...but if it is what i'm thinking of. well. he's long gone. so i should just let go, right? just pull off the damn mask and let myself be happy? and yet, instead we just watch each other, me and my Stranger. it's a shame she knows me all too well.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Character
came to a bit of a realization today.
last month i mentioned how i was going to make a female main character who wasn't just a damsel in distress? yes? well, over the past 20+ days I've been thinking, and thinking, and thinking about this story to the point where it has kind of almost taken over my life! (not to be dramatic or anything O.o)
No, but seriously, this thing has become about so much more than just one girl. for starters, there's a power-hungry supercomputer, a soulful Head of Security (aka torture), a handful of corrupt military men (and women), a newly recruited young man in way over his head, a notorious assassin in a ginger cat suit, a society caught in a struggle to survive in a slow threat to collapse, a young woman who wants to save it, and a young man who just wants to play the piano....
but anyway. my realization. i was sitting in my college's campus center, looking out the window, half-watching the snow fall and blow around, and half-spacing out, and this idea just kind of crept up on me.... first i was telling myself (again) how i wanted to make this story seem real (even if it does take place 100 yrs or so in the future and under a slightly different society), i wanted the characters to seem real, ya know? like, memorable. but then this time i thought: what makes a good character memorable? what is it about those guys that, even if you've seen the movie/read the book a MILLION times you still cry and cry and cry? what is it about them that breaks your heart?
and then i got it: they're human. imperfect. emotional. irrational. in other words, they are us. they're like us. we cry because we empathize with them. our hearts break with theirs. so, to make my story crazy awesome amazing i don't just need to think up characters--pawns that i can shuffle and ideas i can rearrange--but i need to create humans. i have to think up legitimate people with legitimate flaws!
(laugh if you will if this seems obvious to you, but i thought it twas a fantabulous epiphany. so there! XP)
last month i mentioned how i was going to make a female main character who wasn't just a damsel in distress? yes? well, over the past 20+ days I've been thinking, and thinking, and thinking about this story to the point where it has kind of almost taken over my life! (not to be dramatic or anything O.o)
No, but seriously, this thing has become about so much more than just one girl. for starters, there's a power-hungry supercomputer, a soulful Head of Security (aka torture), a handful of corrupt military men (and women), a newly recruited young man in way over his head, a notorious assassin in a ginger cat suit, a society caught in a struggle to survive in a slow threat to collapse, a young woman who wants to save it, and a young man who just wants to play the piano....
but anyway. my realization. i was sitting in my college's campus center, looking out the window, half-watching the snow fall and blow around, and half-spacing out, and this idea just kind of crept up on me.... first i was telling myself (again) how i wanted to make this story seem real (even if it does take place 100 yrs or so in the future and under a slightly different society), i wanted the characters to seem real, ya know? like, memorable. but then this time i thought: what makes a good character memorable? what is it about those guys that, even if you've seen the movie/read the book a MILLION times you still cry and cry and cry? what is it about them that breaks your heart?
and then i got it: they're human. imperfect. emotional. irrational. in other words, they are us. they're like us. we cry because we empathize with them. our hearts break with theirs. so, to make my story crazy awesome amazing i don't just need to think up characters--pawns that i can shuffle and ideas i can rearrange--but i need to create humans. i have to think up legitimate people with legitimate flaws!
(laugh if you will if this seems obvious to you, but i thought it twas a fantabulous epiphany. so there! XP)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Fear
It's fight or flight, now or never, and as usual i can't make up my mind. for the most part, i've always been a bit of an indecisive person, but this is kind of getting ridiculous. it's not that i don't care for either (or any) of the choices, it's not that at all. i admit, i'm lazy and a frequent procrastinator, but i'm not apathetic to the world. quite the contrary. most of the time i'm indecisive because once you choose something, you can never choose the other(s). ever.
it's annoying, my indecisiveness. but still, i have yet to change it. it's almost like i can't change it.... but that would just be silly. wouldn't it? it's just comfortable, is all.
to commit, or not to commit. yes, or no. leap...or retreat.
should i take a chance? step off the cliff? or step back?
i've been thinking a lot--a LOT--and i've finally decided. yes, there's no going back, no taking back my choice, but oh hell when is anyone 100% sure of anything? this naive fear of trying to skip around everyone else's toes at the cost of my own is getting to be too much. perhaps it's slightly bitchy, but hell i'm looking out for myself, in what i want for this, just for this okay? watching over everyone else's toes is stopping now. ...or, well, when i tell him--when i say yes =]
it's annoying, my indecisiveness. but still, i have yet to change it. it's almost like i can't change it.... but that would just be silly. wouldn't it? it's just comfortable, is all.
to commit, or not to commit. yes, or no. leap...or retreat.
should i take a chance? step off the cliff? or step back?
i've been thinking a lot--a LOT--and i've finally decided. yes, there's no going back, no taking back my choice, but oh hell when is anyone 100% sure of anything? this naive fear of trying to skip around everyone else's toes at the cost of my own is getting to be too much. perhaps it's slightly bitchy, but hell i'm looking out for myself, in what i want for this, just for this okay? watching over everyone else's toes is stopping now. ...or, well, when i tell him--when i say yes =]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)