Fear

It's fight or flight, now or never, and as usual i can't make up my mind. for the most part, i've always been a bit of an indecisive person, but this is kind of getting ridiculous. it's not that i don't care for either (or any) of the choices, it's not that at all. i admit, i'm lazy and a frequent procrastinator, but i'm not apathetic to the world. quite the contrary. most of the time i'm indecisive because once you choose something, you can never choose the other(s). ever.

it's annoying, my indecisiveness. but still, i have yet to change it. it's almost like i can't change it.... but that would just be silly. wouldn't it? it's just comfortable, is all.

to commit, or not to commit. yes, or no. leap...or retreat.

should i take a chance? step off the cliff? or step back?

i've been thinking a lot--a LOT--and i've finally decided. yes, there's no going back, no taking back my choice, but oh hell when is anyone 100% sure of anything? this naive fear of trying to skip around everyone else's toes at the cost of my own is getting to be too much. perhaps it's slightly bitchy, but hell i'm looking out for myself, in what i want for this, just for this okay? watching over everyone else's toes is stopping now. ...or, well, when i tell him--when i say yes =]