Loneliness?

I have become sugarcoated.

I mean, don't get me wrong--I love my friends and my family and all, but... it just feels like recently i've built up this candy wall around me that i only really see when i'm alone.

maybe it's just the snow or some stupid need to question happiness, but i still feel hollow. i'm not even close to being alone and yet... there are still times when i feel really lonely. it's not the sort of lonely i'm used to--the sort that feels like someone's slowly scooping out my insides and i just want to curl up into a ball until maybe i disappear. it's more simple than that now--or rather, perhaps, more complex. all the same, it's a more pensive sort of loneliness. the spacey, staring-blankly-out-the-window sort of loneliness. the kind that makes you want to sigh all the time.

which means... maybe i'm finally starting to fill in that hole in my chest? perhaps. but with what? is it something that can be measured?

whatever it is, i still get the feeling that there's a stubborn part of that hole in me that just won't let go. it's like... i've found the Stranger inside me, all of her except.... her mask. it won't come off. or maybe... maybe i already know what's underneath it. that would explain why i can't bring myself to even try to remove her mask.

...but if it is what i'm thinking of. well. he's long gone. so i should just let go, right? just pull off the damn mask and let myself be happy? and yet, instead we just watch each other, me and my Stranger. it's a shame she knows me all too well.