Abyss, part II

so over Spring Break i wrote this kind of uber depressing poem that just sort of POURED out of me. if any of you are writers, you'll probably know what i mean by saying that, or even if you aren't writers perhaps... anyway, i leave it open to interpretation, although maybe it is simply obvious...


Oh dear abyss, blackness of my soul,
eating my emotions, leaving me empty--
how can i ever hope to fill you?
what stopper could ever end your powerful pull?
am i doomed to remain this limp, pathetic doll?

but wait--is that a voice i hear?
a voice... whose voice could possibly reach me?
he smiles--perhaps from something i'm not aware i said
or perhaps from merely seeing my face,
his lovely green eyes answering my plea.

oh, dear abyss, darkness of my soul
how quickly you fill with light!
how swiftly the ocean of his arms drowns you!
giddy and naive of such release
i grin and pull his lips towards mine.

he opens his chest, offers his heart to me
and quickly, greedily, i devour it
his love tickling my soul into ecstasy.
then his hand extends, asking for mine
but i hesitate--i cannot do it;
how could i will myself so vulnerable?

his hand waits, patient.

i take a step back, another.
should i run? would he let me?
i must, i must! i cannot sacrifice my heart;
take anything but my heart! anything, anything else!

i turn, i run, i stagger;
is that blood? am i bleeding?
no, i realize, my body shaking,
those are the tears of my weeping heart,
my poor, lonely heart.

oh, dear abyss, curse of my soul!
why must your fear doom me to solitude?
your chains hang tight, having never truly left.
he walks by, heartless, empty
and yes, i know, it was i who carved that ditch in his soul.

but still i stand, unmoving, head hung
unable to take even one last glance at the man i might have loved.

Damsels

Today while lazying around my home, on vacation and yet half wishing i was back at school so at least i wouldn't be so bored, i really got to working on this new idea i had for a novel.

(For those who don't know me, i've been an aspiring writer since 5th grade--aka approximately 8 years now. scary thought...)

The other day i ran out of books to read (i long ago read all the books in the local library and my personal collection is temporarily stunted since being a poor college student i can only afford so many new books), and i got to thinking about my favorite books, my favorite characters, and why they were my favorites. And what i realized was that nine times out of ten my favorite character is also a male character. Usually (or at least in the books i've read), the female characters, whether protagonist or supporting, annoy the hell out of me. They complain, worry, fantasize, and are overtly irrational and unbelievably hormonal and dramatic. Its ridiculous. There's just too many damsels in distress for my taste. And when they aren't, there's no growth. i mean, COME ON. For the story to be worth telling, your character needs to GROW. ANY writer knows THAT.

So. i decided to create a likable female character. Or, rather, a more human, less ditzy female character.

Enter Vanessa.

19 years old, stuck between adolescence and womanhood (whatever that IS anyway), she's the subtle black sheep of her family, of her time period. You see, after World War III--a heinous outbreak of atomic bombs and general human stupidity--only about half the world was left, and only about a quarter of the population. As you can imagine, there also weren't many resources--but there was technology. Now, in a world slowly being overtaken by technology that's also falling apart, can Vanessa find her way, her purpose in life? Or is she and the human race doomed to be consumed by their own mistakes?

Sounds good, right? Trust me, i've got it like all outlined in my head and DAMN is it exciting! i can't wait to write it! it just seems so daunting, ya know? But i'm gonna finish this one. i have to. or i'd be letting you guys out there down. You guys deserve to have the option to read this story. i mean, of course, assuming you'd want to that is.....