University of Terror

((was digging around my stuff and found this uber old short story i wrote like AGES ago. it's from like 2007, so i apologize if it's a bit, ah, amateurish O.o))

"Welcome! Welcome!" I called to them in what I hoped was a cheerful tone while the crowd walked past. "We, as the University of Terror, are more than honored to--AHHHH!!!" I leaped back in surprise as one of the trees lining the walkway crashed down where I'd just been standing. It didn't take me long to spot a couple of hooligans who'd apparently thought it would be just HILARIOUS to chop down said tree and see if I could move out of the way in time. "Ha ha," I said blandly to the one with the chainsaw. "Very funny." All they did, though, was stare blankly back at me.

I sighed, then continued my obligatory speech: "As I was saying, we, as the University of Terror, are more than honored to welcome you to the top school in the country and soon, we hope, the world."

"Isn't that a bit conceited?" a round chunky woman interrupted. "Top school in the world?" Thankfully, her lanky gremlin teenager was getting as embarrassed as I was frustrated, and quickly urged her along before she could prompt me into an argument.

Then I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, counted to three, and opened them again. "As I was saying--OH MY GOD!!"

It was those stupid loggers again.

"What the hell do you think you're DOING?!" The kid next to the guy with the chainsaw was chuckling like a maniac.

"Oh, Edward!" called a skeleton of a lady. "Edward, there you are! What have I told you and Jason about trying to kill people?" I couldn't help but feel a little relieved when the woman said that; maybe there was finally going to be a parent who cared about something other than their child growing up to be a big, bad psychopath running around killing people.

The kid with the chainsaw, apparently Jason since the woman had been addressing the other kid, turned it off and I wondered why the heck he was wearing a hockey mask. Then the mom said, "I don't know how many times I've told you, Edward, that you have to wait until you get your license."

I sighed; but then again, maybe not.

"Sorry, mom," Edward said in a way that was obviously meant as a mock-apology, and suddenly I realized that his hands looked like...well, scissors.

His mom frowned in disappointment, probably not quite recognizing his tone, and said, "Well, come along. I still have to help both you boys unpack since Jason's mother has once again gone MIA on us." Jason stared blatantly at her, and while they started to walk away, he leaned the chainsaw against the stump of the once-tree. Then, me still watching, as he followed Edward and his mother, he unsheathed a menacing machete from a holster strapped from his back.

"Hey!" I yelled after him. "Hey!" It wasn't long, though, before I lost him to the crowd. It also didn't help when someone shoved me from behind, knocking me to the gravel where I laid, too miserable to even bother standing up.

"And what do you want to be when you get your license?" I heard the lady at the door ask the next kid in line.

"I'm gonna kill them in their dreams!" he declared proudly and I imagined the little guy sounded like the type to puff out his chest as he was saying it. "They'll never be able to sleep, and they'll never be able to escape me!"

I decided I should probably stand up before I got fully trampled. When I did and saw the mother of the egotistic boy I nearly fainted; she looked like those women they used to portray on TV as the stay-at-home, 50s moms.

"Come on, Freddy," she said uneasily to her son. "We should go inside now, and--."

Freddy blatantly interrupted his mom to announce to the incoming crowd: "Someday, I'm gonna kill all of you!" The mom sighed and walked inside on her own, probably used to this sort of behavior from her son. Freddy, meanwhile, appeared to be searching the crowd for someone in particular. After a moment, he called, "Hey, Jason! I'll get you too!" before dashing inside to join his mom.

Instantly I remembered the kid with the hockey mask. At first, I was actually afraid for the poor, overweight kid, but then I recalled the tone of his movements when he pulled out that machete and I found myself feeling sorry for Freddy instead.

"Move out the way!" a brutish imp grunted, pushing me to the ground. Again. At this rate, I sensed the beginning of a beautiful friendship between the gravel and I.

"Hey!" I yelled after him, and a vampire stepped on me. "Ow! Damnit!" No one seemed to hear me (surprise, surprise), and eventually I pressed my face into the gravel and laughed at the depression my life seemed to contain more and more of. Oh man, was it going to be a long year.